advice to Daphne - "tu" or "vous"

My second letter to Daphne, my imaginary friend,
newly arrived in France and in need of advice.

My darling Daphne
So glad to hear that you appreciated  my tips for your dinner , well it obviously went off well  if they were still there at 4am!  You must be the talk of the town.  I'm sure that your hubby's  remarkable wine cellar was a help too, were there really that many empties to evacuate in the morning?!  Oh la la!

So now you're worried about when to say "tu" and when to say "vous" to people around you.  This polite and familiar form of "you" is a pain in the derrière until you've cracked it.  But really Daphne my dear, as pleasant as your butcher may be,  you shouldn't have said "tu" to him!   I would have loved to have been there though ,  the poor man probably nearly keeled over face down into his fresh meats.

Of course the basic rule of  thumb is that "tu" is for animals,  children and close family, for everyone else it's "vous".  Mon Dieu!, if only life were that simple.   Maybe this will help:


When introduced to someone at a posh dinner you'll say 'vous' until the atmosphere melts a little - then someone  will suggest saying 'tu'.
In a professional situation, or in a shop or at school it will always be "vous".
In sporting and  artistic circles 'tu' is almost always de rigueur from the outset.  This makes sense, no point trying to put on airs and graces when your wearing outlandish sports gear or covered in paint!
When children and teenagers come to your house, just say 'tu' to them.  They'll mostly say 'vous' to you, until you invite them to switch to 'tu'.  Not all of them will manage,  don't take it badly sweetheart, it's just their education.

I'm not at all surprised when you tell me that you know couples who say "vous" to one another.  As I mentioned before you are living in a very smart and bourgeois world darling, Versailles hasn't forgotten that it's home to a royal palace you know.  In certain  circles of society, couples say "vous" to each other, but quite happily say "tu" to their close friends.  Go figure!  In this sort of family the children will say "vous" to their parents, grandparents and any other adults they meet.

On the whole, until you're really at ease with the language, it's best to take the lead from others.  Between you and me it will always be "tu" !


Ton amie
S